it's just - i don't know. it's like - it's like a really good dream that you have and you keep thinking about it. i have a lot of dreams. when i'm awake i have a lot of dreams. all day. when i'm driving. when i'm out. when i'm home. it's all i do - dream about things. i dream about somewhere i could go. i can just be there. i don't know. i dream about a lot of things. mostly when i dream i dream about all the things i've lost, and i think from an early age you have to get used to losing things - cause if you don't, things get really bad all the time. so you have to get used to letting go of things and never getting them back. but that doesn't mean you don't think about all the things you lose still. cause i still do. and i didn't want to lose a lot of the things i lost but i did - i did and it's my fault. i don't know how to make that right - i don't think i could. but i still think about it, and even if i didn't think about it i'd still dream about it and i dream all the time.